Your tits are I can't wait for
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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