To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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