Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
