Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
