Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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