I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This is classic penis vs brain.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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