Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fuck appropriateness.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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