The maid of honor just puked.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
