No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
