and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
