I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize