I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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