Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
