I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
