This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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