Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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