I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
