What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know her cup size but not her name....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
