He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
