he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
