There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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