when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
