Dual....:-)
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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