I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
