i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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