Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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