My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
