did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You pole danced in your parka.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
