Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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