He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
