Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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