I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
