I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
