I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I looked at my own cervix.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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