When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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