You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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