My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's like heaven, but drunker
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize