I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
