I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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