Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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