i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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