I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
