you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
