i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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