remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
