$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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