All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
