I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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