I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
