Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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