I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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