he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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