how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
