Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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