i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
