I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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