I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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