We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
