I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
