Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
