Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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