If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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