Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
