There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize