Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
