I think I won the penis lottery.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize