Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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