Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just had sex on a roof
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize