R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
