There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
