Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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