I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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