I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
