Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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