He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
