I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
