Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
