i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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