That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
