why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
